So we ran away from home for five days and tried to put some space between us and the grief. The hustle and bustle of traveling, the sights and sounds and the bright warm sun of another place, a place miles and worlds away from where “it” happened temporarily slowed down the cracks forming in our hearts. Of course, the only way out of grief is to go through grief and I know that is what my son and his sweet wife will be experiencing for a very long time.

Human pain does not let go of its grip at one point in time. Rather, it works its way out of our consciousness over time. There is a season of sadness. A season of anger. A season of tranquility. A season of hope. ~Robert Veninga

I did this self-portrait on a website that lets you paint in the style of Jackson Pollock. That’s me in the morning before my coffee. A couple of hints if you want to try it out. It’s a very simple program, clicking the left mouse button changes the colors, press the Space key to erase and start over, if you get something you like hit the Print Screen (Capture) key on your keyboard, that copies the screen to your clipboard. Go into your photo program and open a new image under File the same size as the image on the clipboard, paste and crop. Easy squeezey.

We work in the dark, We do what we can, We give what we have, Our doubt is our passion, and our passion is our task, The rest is the madness of art. ~Henry James

As we were getting ready to go to the hospital to see the kids when they lost the baby last week, I was trying to think of something to say, you know, something all motherly and wise that would help them feel better. Suddenly, two words came into my head, a gentle whisper from the universe that quieted my racing mind. I heard “just be” and I realized that there were no words that would make them feel better. No matter how powerful we mothers like to think our mother-love is, sometimes we just can’t protect our children from life’s sorrows. Sometimes all we can do is just be and let them know that we love them.

The most precious gift we can offer others is our presence. When mindfulness embraces those we love, they will bloom like flowers. ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Every spring I can see these white wildflowers blooming in the commons behind my house. This year I walked out and photographed them so I could find out what they were. I discovered a great web site for identifying wildflowers, My Wildflowers.com where I figured out that they are Sanguinaria canadensis, commonly known as Bloodroot. Turns out they produce a rather nasty toxin called Sanguinarine, which interestingly enough the FDA has approved for use in toothpaste as an anit-plaque, antibacterial agent. Hmm, think I’ll run up to the health food store and get me some Tom’s of Maine Toothpaste.

We are all trying to stay busy around here, trying not to live completely in our heads and reliving the pain of the past week, yet leaving ourselves time to honor our sadness too. The baby was due a week before my birthday on September 7th, which this year also happens to be Grandparent’s Day. Our lovely daughter-in-law’s birthday is coming up soon and me and Mr. bookbabie decided to take the kids on a short trip, we all feel like we need to get away.

Nature always wears the colors of the spirit. ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

When I first heard Josh Groban and Charlotte Church sing that song at the closing ceremonies of the Winter Olympics in Salt Lake City it brought tears to my eyes. Not because it was such a beautiful song, which I think it is, but because it was just after 9/11 and as I watched that moving production, in my minds eye I could also see the twin towers falling. The contrast between such beauty and such grief was simply overwhelming. I find myself overwhelmed once again today by these contrasting emotions because my son and our daughter-in-law are no longer expecting their first baby in September.

After a difficult year with my mom’s continued illness and financial worries at our small business, the news that we were going to become first time grandparents brought my husband and me much joy. Unfortunately, with the possibility of great joy comes the possibility of great sorrow. When you go through tough times you tend to grab on to that one ray of bright light and hold on for dear life and when that light goes out you fall fast and you fall hard and boy does the landing hurt. But most of all we hurt for our son and his wife. Before they even had the opportunity to know the joy of holding their first baby in their arms, they have had to face the pain of letting go, of saying goodbye to their sweet September dreams. Our hearts are broken. Yet surprisingly, rising up from this sea of grief my husband and I have found a new light, a new blessing to be grateful for as we witnessed a loving young couple grow stronger in spirit and closer together during some very dark days. We are so proud of them, we feel honored to be their parents and we now know more than ever what wonderful parents they will be someday.

Isn’t life a series of images that change as they repeat themselves?
~Andy Warhol

Make your own Warhol here.

The Nature Conservancy has a live nest cam aimed at an eagle nest on Santa Cruz Island in California. Two chicks have successfully hatched this month. Pack up all your cares and woes and go check it out. It’s pretty zen to sit and watch the parents tend their chicks and the background sounds of nature are very relaxing, feels like you’re outside sitting in a tree just chillin’ with those lovely creatures. The photo is by permission from Nikon66 on flickr. Fiercely beautiful shot of a fiercely beautiful bird.

From Wikipedia: Someecards.com is a free online Ecards service created by Brook Lundy and Duncan Mitchell, and designed by Jerry Tamburro. The content of Someecards is comprised exclusively of parodies of the sentiments found in the traditional Hallmark greeting card, and often features content that could be considered cruel or offensive if taken seriously. Someecard’s deadpan humor has drawn approval from those for whom traditional greeting and Ecards do not appeal, especially younger urban audiences.

I’m not younger (unless you’re comparing me with my husband, or my brother, or most of my girlfriends, or Dennis my blogger friend in Texas) and I’m not urban either (more like suburban-ex-urbanite who wouldn’t mind a few acres in the country to build my “green” house on someday) but I still get a kick out of the Ecards on that website. Just make sure you only send them to people who can appreciate a very dry, very snarky sense of humor!

“What makes you think the whole world revolves around you?!” my mother said, as I slowly rotated to maintain eye contact. ~John Alejandro King

Who doesn’t like a good interactive online quiz? I mean, you can learn so much about yourself, right? Like what kind of flower you are, or what famous painter you’re most like, or what superhero you would be if your life was a comic book. As simple as they are, those quizzes are often pretty accurate because they’re basically just mini personality tests. Of course, all they really tell us is how we view ourselves, it would be interesting to have our significant other, or our kids or parents fill one out and see if the same flower pops up. I wonder sometimes, do we know ourselves best, or is how others see us a more accurate picture of who we really are?

I like blue so when I came across this quiz I just had to know… What color blue am I?

You Are Periwinkle

You’re very intuitive and sensitive. You often know other people better than they know themselves. You’re also quite optimistic, and you think well of yourself and others. You know your dreams will come true.

This is a painting of my husband’s family, the baby in the dress is his grandfather. I did it from an old family photograph adding the blue sky in the background to lighten up the solemn look of the family. Still trying to find my muse and get back to painting…any ideas on how to get unstuck?